I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
