he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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