im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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