eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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