I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
