Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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