the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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