Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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