my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
