you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
