My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm like, not good at living.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
