I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
