I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So squirting runs in the family.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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