i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Come on in and take your pants off
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