i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
