I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
