Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
