my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're so nebulous sometimes
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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