hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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