A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
