Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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