This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize