He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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