If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
