just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize