he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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