In the future we'll all be gay
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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