I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
