I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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