Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
