So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
