A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I could make wine with my vomit
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sorry about my life...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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