I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize