The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
