well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize