remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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