they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
