Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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