Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the liver wants what the liver wants
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
