I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
