So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
