cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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