How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
