Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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