don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Randomize
