I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
