You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
