I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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