Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
