i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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