I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
