he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
