my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
