Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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