Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
