remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
