Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
