hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
