I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
even my farts smell like vagina
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
