I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My life is pants optional.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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