I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
