you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
