even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize