oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize