While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
