I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize