I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
